My first Palm in memory of my son

[Micki]

I lost my son three months ago in a diving accident and want to plant a Palm to honor him. I live in San Diego and have a spot in my yard which gets full sun. My friends have raised $800 to purchase a tree. Can you reccomend something for me?

[Ben in Norcal]

So sorry for your loss.  I'd pick something really unique like a rare hybrid.  I'm sure a grower in the area like Josh-O can set you up with something really special!

[Micki]

Thank you, Ben. I hadn't thought of that.

[Zeeth]

23 minutes ago, Ben in Norcal said:

I'd pick something really unique like a rare hybrid.

Maybe a Jubaea x Syagrus?

[dalmatiansoap]

Make sure its not one of RPW specials.

Sorry for Your lost.

[quaman58]

I can only begin to imagine your burden; words seem really inadequate. Although it requires a bit of room, something slow, steady & long lived seems most appropriate. Combine that with something that is easy here in San Diego, & Jubea fits the bill nicely. 

[Cindy Adair]

A think a special palm tree is a lovely idea!

Folks growing near you will give the best advice.

So very sorry to hear about your son.

[DoomsDave]

Micki, so sad to hear!

But, such a lovely tribute!

Keep in a mind a few things: how big is your yard? Jubaeas are a great monument, but they get monumental - H U G E.    As in, 6 feet across the trunk. If you have the room, great. If not, they can be like an elephant in the living room.

Also, which palm depends on where in SD you are. There are some lovely species that are great near the ocean, not so much inland, and vice versa.

So, please give us a general idea of where you plan to plant it. It will be useful to know if it's going to be your house, or in a public place like a park. Who will maintain it can make a difference.

Some palms have one trunk, others have many. Perhaps a multi-trunker, for love springs eternal?

There are many choices. (For my part, I've compromised, and chosen them all . . . . )

Let us know your circumstances, and please accept our condolences.

And, while I can't speak for them, I'll bet some folks on Palm Talk will be glad to show you palms in their gardens in SD to help make the choice. Their gardens are worth the visit, that I can promise!

 

 

[Kim]

It is very touching that you found your way here in search of a fitting reminder of your son. My heart goes out to you; I cannot imagine the pain of your loss. 

I hope our members can help you select just the right palm for your location.  As Dave noted above, your general location along with a few extra details can help guide our recommendations.  Fortunately San Diego has a climate supportive of many kinds of palms.

I expect you are looking for a palm that already has at least some trunk and some height, not a young seedling?  But one young enough that you can still appreciate the growth each year? Jubaea chilensis has been mentioned, indeed an impressive palm, and also extremely slow. Another palm that is very elegant and tropical looking is Howea forsteriana, often planted in small groups.  Everyone has their favorites; take your time to select the palm that most appeals to you.

San Diego has lots of experienced palm growers and a few specialist nurserymen, many who frequent this forum, so I feel confident you have come to the right place for advice.  If you wish to contact a member privately, you may click on their name, which will take you to their profile, then click the box that says "Message" to the right of their name.

 

[Kim]

Hi Micki.  I thought it would be helpful to show some photos of palms that might grow well for you. I borrowed all these photos from the internet (sorry!!).

First, Jubaea chilensis, or Chilean Wine Palm:

These tolerate cold, grow very slowly, are chubby with stiff fronds; quite a statement when mature.  You can look at them in Mission Bay Park just west of the 5 freeway.

Howea forsteriana, commonly known as the Kentia palm:

Frequently seen around San Diego, the fronds have an elegant, relaxed look, very tropical looking. Best near the coast or with a bit of shade when young; slow to moderate growth. Do not allow to dry out. From Lord Howe Island.

Brahea armata, or Mexican blue fan palm:

Tolerates some cold, extreme heat, low water needs once established.  Very slow growing, doesn't like to have roots disturbed. Spectacular when flowering as above. Baja California.

You may have seen these in Balboa Park, Bismarckia nobilis, or Bismarck palm:

Faster growing than the palms previously mentioned, needs lots of room for the big crown. Quite an impressive look. From Madagascar.

These need a really warm spot, Roystonea regia, or Royal palm:

Royals have very fat trunks, very green crownshafts.  Do not plant where cars will park -- the heavy fronds can break windshields when they drop. A very regal look. They like water to grow faster. From Cuba.

 

[Mandrew968]

I am so sorry to hear about your grave loss. I don't know what I would do... Do you have other children? I would do my best to be with them and be there for them. My in--laws lost two boys and it is the hardest thing. You are never the same. I spoke to a buddhist monk about losing a person you love and how to deal with it. He told me crying is ok; try to remember only the positive and be as the lioness--she sometimes loses a cub, but she cannot abandon her cubs in her sadness. She must keep raising the cubs she has. 

[Micki]

Yes, I have two daughters who live out of state. David lived in Encinitas. The Buddhist monk gave you very good advice which I have been following. I cry a lot and although I don't get to see my daughters very often they are close in spirit. 

[Micki]

On August 23, 2016 at 11:24:01 AM, DoomsDave said:

Micki, so sad to hear!

But, such a lovely tribute!

Keep in a mind a few things: how big is your yard? Jubaeas are a great monument, but they get monumental - H U G E.    As in, 6 feet across the trunk. If you have the room, great. If not, they can be like an elephant in the living room.

Also, which palm depends on where in SD you are. There are some lovely species that are great near the ocean, not so much inland, and vice versa.

So, please give us a general idea of where you plan to plant it. It will be useful to know if it's going to be your house, or in a public place like a park. Who will maintain it can make a difference.

Some palms have one trunk, others have many. Perhaps a multi-trunker, for love springs eternal?

There are many choices. (For my part, I've compromised, and chosen them all . . . . )

Let us know your circumstances, and please accept our condolences.

And, while I can't speak for them, I'll bet some folks on Palm Talk will be glad to show you palms in their gardens in SD to help make the choice. Their gardens are worth the visit, that I can promise!

 

 

Dear Dave...The space I have for the Palm is not very large. We live in Del Cerro which is in east county adjacent to La Mesa. It's hot and dry during the summer and doesn't get the ocean moisture typical of the winter months. If the space is not conducive to planting a Palm our front yard has more room and has three rather impressive Palms already growing there. ((See photo.) I'm hoping the spot in the back is appropriate as I can see it from almost every room in the house. I would love to visit the gardens of Palm collectors! You seem like very interesting individuals!

[Micki]

What is minimum size space for planting a medium sized (8') Kentia?

Edited August 24, 2016 by Micki
Wrong question

[DoomsDave]

Micki:

I had a dear, alas late, friend who lived in Del Serro, right off College Boulevard, north of the 10 freeway. Though far from the ocean, you could still see it in the distance, from his backyard, like hammered silver as the poets like to say. Used to visit him every Christmas or Thanksgiving, sometimes both, till he passed in June of 2002.

Those aren't tiny yards, but they're not huge, either, unless you've got a big slope.

Knowing that helps a lot. You don't have a "beachy" climate, but you're not far inland either. Those palms in your picture look like King Palms, Archontophoenix cunninghamiana.

If you ever get up to La Habra, which is in Orange County, near Whittier, near Los Angeles, shoot me a PM and you can swing by and see my garden. That's a long  drive, though. There are plenty of Palm Talkers near you with spectacular gardens who will be happy as can be to show you theirs and provide suggestions. I guarantee some will be eye-popping.

best

dave

 

 

[DoomsDave]

22 minutes ago, Micki said:

What is minimum size space for planting a medium sized (8') Kentia?

Those will fit into a relatively small area; 8 by 8 feet will be plenty.

Also, Kentias have fallen in price. I'll bet you could get a bigger one than 8' tall for the donated sum. A big Kentia grower went out of business a number of years ago up near SB and flooded the market.

 

[DoomsDave]

30 minutes ago, Micki said:

Dear Dave...The space I have for the Palm is not very large. We live in Del Cerro which is in east county adjacent to La Mesa. It's hot and dry during the summer and doesn't get the ocean moisture typical of the winter months. If the space is not conducive to planting a Palm our front yard has more room and has three rather impressive Palms already growing there. ((See photo.) I'm hoping the spot in the back is appropriate as I can see it from almost every room in the house. I would love to visit the gardens of Palm collectors! You seem like very interesting individuals!

If that's the spot you have in mind for a Kentia, that will be perfect. Be sure to get one that's sun grown, with slight golden green color. Really dark green ones grown under shade will likely burn. Be sure to give plenty of water year-round. If you can keep kings happy, Kentias should be no problem.

[Pete in Paradise Hills]

Micki, 

Your Kentia would fry a little for awhile and require a ton of water in Del Cerro. Kentias look better on the coast....I recommend a sun loving palm. Brahea do great here. Jubaea as mentioned are another low maintenance choice....

[Ben in Norcal]

Coco Queen!

[Micki]

2 hours ago, Pete in Paradise Hills said:

Micki, 

Your Kentia would fry a little for awhile and require a ton of water in Del Cerro. Kentias look better on the coast....I recommend a sun loving palm. Brahea do great here. Jubaea as mentioned are another low maintenance choice....

Thanks, Pete. I'll look into it. Can you recommend a grower?

[Sir Oxylon]

Sorry to hear. It is a very nice idea. Did your son like palms? Perhaps a palm that he may have liked or reflects something about him may be appropriate. A big spectacular palm may not be fitting if your son was a humble quiet person for instance. Hope you will be able to plant it with your daughters.

[Micki]

Thank you for your input. My son was big and bold and did like palms. I'm constrained by space so will be choosing a smaller variety. Unfortunately, my daughters will be unable to be here for the planting but will be here in spirit.

[Pete in Paradise Hills]

21 hours ago, Micki said:

Thanks, Pete. I'll look into it. Can you recommend a grower?

I have had good experiences with Josh O, Bill from multiflora, and Joe in San Marcos. I think all three should be reachable by pm on palmtalk

[Micki]

I have an appointment with Josh on Wednesday. Thanks for the recommendation.

[Justin]

I'll offer a slightly different perspective than others.  I planted a palm tree for my Grandfather when he passed away about 10 years ago.  It was a rare palm, unusual for this area.  The problem with that is that we had some unusual weather, and it perished, and I felt even worse.

So I would recommend something that's relatively bulletproof for this area, so that you won't feel bad if/when it is in poor condition and (God forbid) it perishes.  For this climate, if you have the space, I would echo the idea of a Chilean Wine Palm (Jubaea chilensis).  I must have a dozen or so on my property, and I've never seen one have any pests or problems whatsoever.

And, to echo what everyone has said, I'm very sorry for your loss.

 

Justin

[Micki]

I appreciate your perspective, Justin. I need to consider that.

[Ben in Norcal]

3 hours ago, Justin said:

I'll offer a slightly different perspective than others.  I planted a palm tree for my Grandfather when he passed away about 10 years ago.  It was a rare palm, unusual for this area.  The problem with that is that we had some unusual weather, and it perished, and I felt even worse.

So I would recommend something that's relatively bulletproof for this area, so that you won't feel bad if/when it is in poor condition and (God forbid) it perishes.  For this climate, if you have the space, I would echo the idea of a Chilean Wine Palm (Jubaea chilensis).  I must have a dozen or so on my property, and I've never seen one have any pests or problems whatsoever.

And, to echo what everyone has said, I'm very sorry for your loss.

 

Justin

Great point, but we do need to distinguish rare from not bulletproof. For instance, I would think a JxS would be both rare and very bulletproof in this location.

[Mr.SamuraiSword]

how about a sabal palmetto?  they are rare on the west coast and can grow quite majestic.  sorry to hear about your son.

[Justin]

11 hours ago, Ben in Norcal said:

Great point, but we do need to distinguish rare from not bulletproof. For instance, I would think a JxS would be both rare and very bulletproof in this location.

I concur.  Any of the Cocoid Hybrids would be a great choice.

[Josh-O]

a coconut queen hybrid would be amazing in that spot. I'll see you Wednesday Micki and again I'm sorry about you loss. I just can fathom that with my kids.